Saturday, September 18, 2010

“The Journey Back to Intimacy” - A Saint-Germain Channeling

“The Journey Back to Intimacy”
A Saint-Germain Channeling
By Alexandra Mahlimay and Dan Bennack
Cluj-Napoca, Romania
September 19, 2010

This channeling is part of a client's session about relationships. It is reproduced here with her permission.

“Dear Saint-Germain, I was once married, but we were unable to continue together as husband and wife. Since our divorce, we've remained close friends, and we still share many things together. Although both of us wish to marry again, we fear that we’ll have to give up our friendship for this. What should we do? Thank you.”

Today we're going to address the fear that you have about partnering again. But before we start, Alexandra and Dan wanted me share this quote from a well-known author: “Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” – Mark Twain. This is very good advice for you, too, because it reminds you to stop worrying so much about your relationship “location” – and to start enjoying the journey, instead.

You see, your anxiety about being in an intimate relationship again is really just your fear talking to you. Your fear is telling you that you'll never reach the relationship destination that you desire – a fictitious place, called “happiness” – because you aren't doing what needs to be done to guarantee this type of outcome.

So, how does Twain’s quote apply to your current hopes and dreams for intimacy?

This passage suggests that the true joy you will find, if you take up an intimate relationship again, is the pleasure of the journey – moving through life together. This has nothing to do with an imaginary place called “happiness” that the two of you must struggle to attain someday. It’s about day-to-day sharing. Will your journey be pleasant and spirited, or filled with drama and tension?

This is entirely up to you…as you already know.

Where Does Your Journey Begin?

Your journey back into intimacy, begins exactly where you are right now… With the memories, lessons, and experiences that you’ve had with your former husband, and also with the friendship that you enjoy with him now. This is the point of departure for the new journey of intimacy that you will begin with someone else. Anything new or different that you will experience with a new partner, must necessarily start with the ending of your marriage. All new beginnings start with endings. So, the question you are really asking is “Am I ready to release my former marriage?”

This is not a trivial question, and you are wise to look at it now, before starting something new. Your marriage has introduced you to the realm of intimacy. It was your beginning and it is worthy of your honor. The two of you traveled some distance together on that journey; and only now do you find yourselves ready to move again with someone else. This is, as it should be, and it is perfectly normal.

The trouble that you are having now, is that you are letting the unpleasant experiences of your first relationship, influence your expectations about what a new relationship will bring to you. Of course, the caution and wisdom that you acquired can be helpful here, provided that you don’t take it too far.

Think of it this way...Would you want to decide in advance, how your trip to Tokyo is going to be, based only upon the memories of your trip to London many years ago? Of course not. They’re two completely different cities. And even though some elements of traveling will be the same for both destinations; what you're going to experience in Tokyo cannot be accurately predicted or pre-qualified by what you've already experienced in London.

My friend, moving on from one intimate relationship to another is no different.

You Are a Free-Spirit.

My dear friend, I would like to share another perspective with you about this situation in your life. You are a free spirit; a fearless and open-minded person, who is always ready to begin new things in life. This is something that makes you a very courageous person. You are not afraid to start something new; to begin and initiate creative activities – and also to be involved in creative relationships and partnerships of all kinds.

But because you are such a free-spirit and don’t like to feel limited in any way, you may feel that intimate relationships are not going to be respectful of who you are as a person. You may be conditioned based upon your previous experiences, to believe that they are not going to give you the security and safety that you need in a relationship; the security and safety to be yourself.

Instead, intimate relationships may feel a little too controlling to you. And this is something that has been an issue for you in your past. Both you and your former husband, may have a tendency to hold on to each other to feel emotionally or physically safe in the world, and loved in ways that you needed in the past. Yet, by hanging on to each other this way, and to the past that you shared together, you’re not giving yourselves the freedom to grow, evolve, and be more of who you are now.

That's why it may be very good for you now, to let go of the control.

Fear of Losing Control.

When you let go of any desire that you may have to control this relationship, it will not cause you to lose the friendship. No, it will not. Because where there is love, there will always be the possibility of friendship.

But if you allow any desire to control the dynamics of this relationship to continue within you, or you to try to hang on to each other for security's sake, then there will also be fear, suffering, and anguish. For anytime you choose to act from a place of fear, whether consciously or unconsciously, you are blocking the opportunities for love to enter. And this is what you desire now... an opportunity to share love and intimacy again with a partner.

I'm encouraging you to look at yourself now, and see why you're afraid to let go of this relationship with your former husband. Examine the underlying need that you have to hold on, or control the outcome of this relationship – rather than free yourselves to move on to something better, as you've indicated that you are ready to do now.

Do not fear for the loss of your friendship, but rather look at what this friendship has been providing you that you are now ready to provide for yourself. Accept the fact that you have outgrown something that you shared together, and that you are both ready to grow in love and goodness again with someone else. This is truly a wonderful realization, if you will allow it.

This is the important message for you today. And I'd like you to work with it and see how you want to move on from that. It's a lot of information to manage, I know, and I'd like to thank you for this opportunity to work with you, and to be with you by your side.

Indeed, it is I, Saint-Germain, along with Alexandra, and your other friends and guides.

More About Your Relationship.

This is Dan now. Before concluding our session time together, there's some astrological information about your relationship with your former husband that you might want to consider. So I'd like to go into this for a moment.

After studying your charts, I'd have to say that one of the key features about the relationship that you had, and may still have with your ex-husband, has to do with complementarity versus compensation.

Each of you has strong points of emphasis in your astrological charts, and each of you has areas that are not so strongly emphasized. These can complement each other, as I will explain in a minute, and this can be greatly satisfying. But on the other hand, if each of you is compensating for the other in areas where you may feel deficient or underdeveloped, then it may feel uneasy letting the other person go. It may feel uncomfortable because each of you is providing something that the other one thinks that he or she needs.

In your case, your birth chart shows a stronger emphasis on reasoning as a way to respond to life than your ex-husband's does. It also shows a more fiery disposition, as well as an inner drive that encourages you to take risks and show initiative out in the world. But your chart also shows a greater tendency to take on the responsibilities and burdens of others, especially responsibilities that have to do with providing physical security to others. In addition, you tend to be more oriented toward the "end result" in life. These are the goals that you think you can reach, and the things that your ambitions can fulfill. You appear to be less oriented toward the inner processes of life, which are felt more with the emotions, than with the mind.

Your ex-husband on the other hand, has a very strong emotional signature in his chart. He appears to respond to life more on the basis of his feelings, and he looks to be much more involved with his inner processes than you might be. However, his focus on goals, objectives, results, and purpose, is probably not as strong as yours.

When you were together and married, and perhaps now – as you remain good friends – you might have felt the need to help your husband feel safe, secure, and physically and financially grounded in the world. You might have felt the need to provide inspiration, direction, and the power of reasoning to your relationship. He, on the other hand, quite likely supplied the emotional and feeling side of the relationship, as this is particularly strong in his chart. This is what I was talking about earlier, when I said that the main patterning you have with each other is “complementarity versus compensation”.

What I am saying here, is that his capacity to relate emotionally, and your capacity to relate intellectually probably complemented each other, when things were working well. But when things were not working well, you compensated for each other. You took over the reasoning and "results-oriented" roles in the relationship. This may have included taking care of the practical details required to be physically and financially secure in the world.

In turn, he probably held the emotional energies for the relationship, and played a role that was focused primarily on the feeling processes that the two of you were experiencing. This may have been his area of specialization, if I can use this term here loosely.

I'm suggesting that the relationship that you had with each other when you were married, and that you may even have now as friends, is one in which compensating for each others areas of underdevelopment, with your own areas of specialization, is not going to work anymore.

Very specifically, I'm suggesting that relating emotionally and communicating at an emotional level with a partner, may be an area that you need to get more comfortable with. This may be an area of underdevelopment for you, when it comes to partnering. Your ex-husband may have compensated for this in your relationship. This could have kept you from developing more of a focus on the emotional processes in life, and the wonderful ways that this can enhance your enjoyment of an intimate relationship.

If you haven't prepared yourself to relate at a more vulnerable, emotional level with a partner, then this may be causing you some anxiety about marrying again -- even though you feel strongly drawn to open yourself to the possibility now.

And also, you may be afraid of losing the friendship with your former husband, should you marry again, because he may still be providing you with emotional support and access to the "feeling side" of life. You may fear losing his friendship precisely because a part of you still unconsciously depends on him to compensate for you as he did before, by experiencing and expressing the deeper, emotional side of life for you.

Remember what Saint-Germain had to say earlier, “Do not fear the loss of this relationship, but rather look at what it has been providing for you that you are now ready to provide for yourself.” Consider where you have been complementing each other, and then consider where you might be compensating for each other, instead. Then, when you decide to go forward into a new relationship with someone else, you will carry with you not only the memories of the past, but also the conscious integration of those experiences into the person that you have become today.

Thanks for choosing to do this session with us, and always remember that you are deeply loved. 

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2010 © Alexandra Mahlimay and Dan Bennack. All rights reserved.